Reflections on 2016

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As the year quickly comes to an end, I find myself reflecting on the last year. I would like to imagine myself as a very deep person who really values self reflection on a slightly more intellectual basis than the average person… but lets get real. I’m shallow AF and I’m mainly doing this to make myself feel better about life.

Though I will not be spending the last 11 days of the year in the Alps like last year (#baller), I still feel like overall I’m in a better place mentally even if I’m not in a better place physically… because let’s get real… I would much rather be spending the Holidays in Europe than in Atlanta.

At this time last year, I was working in a corporate sweat shop that consisted of working 60 hour weeks at minimum. I had already worked every single weekend for going on 5 months. I was failing the CPA consistently by one point and feeling like a massive dumb fuck. I had lost contact with a few extremely close friends. My childhood friends were starting to have the “I’m better than you” attitude because they were married and pregnant. My love life was absolutely non existent… while that was actually my choice… I was still recovering from a massive breakup that had happened earlier in the year.

Overall… not one of my finer years to say the least. Though I wouldn’t put it at the All Time Worst Year… years like that are reserved for say when you watch a parent die. So while it sucked, keeping it glass half full, it wasn’t quite as bad as 2012. But still… 2015 def came in as a solid 2nd place for worst year. Pretty sure I was definitely in a solid depression… good note was I was working so much I didn’t have time to notice it too much. #positivethinkingfolks

This year I’m in a much different place. I don’t think I’m going to make 2016 my best year to date, but I feel like its been a pretty big growth year and I just have this feeling a lot of things may have been put into play to make 2017 a BIG year. Or at least I hope so… maybe this is a form of self preservation and too much wine speaking.

So below, I’m listing everything I’m thankful as we approach the end of 2016.

Reconnecting with Old Friends – sometimes you just have to sit back and take notice of who’s there for you, who makes you feel good, who makes you feel like shit, who invests in a friendship, etc. At this point in my life, I have zero fucks to give to people who make me feel like crap and put zero effort into a friendship. While I understand babies and marriage change things, a text takes 2 seconds to send, and you can do it while you have a kid latched to your tit. #sorrynotsorry. Over the last few months, I’ve really sat back and taken a look at who actually puts time into friendships with me. So now I’m basically starting to put some distance between me and people that I feel that its become totally one sided. It was hurtful at first, but now I’m basically over it. My philosophy: you may be trapped at home, but don’t hate on me because I don’t have to be.

Ex Boyfriend Playing Games – ok hear me out… this one was a hard one to come to terms with. And it’s actually only happened in the last couple of weeks. After I got over the initial mind game, I started realizing that I actually have the upper hand this go round. Why? Because while it still hurts, I’m not sitting around and he knows it. There is a sick gratification that I am taking in knowing that he knows he is messed up and his life is a wreck and that it is completely on him that things did not work out 2 years ago and its on him that we can’t make it work now. He gets to live with the knowledge that I’m going out on dates, I’m not sitting around like I was at first. He knows the clock is ticking. He doesn’t have the capacity to date and if he did, it would be me he’d be dating. Call me a bitch, but when you finally have the guy who broke your heart, telling you he knows he’s fucked up, actually meaning it, and you’re the one who is eventually gonna move on and leaving him in the dust, there is something extremely self gratifying about it.

Being single – last night, I was laying in bed at 8:15 watching tv, eating cheese and crackers, and drinking eggnog. I didn’t do a damn thing around the house when I got home. And as I was sitting there watching makeup tutorials on YouTube, it dawned on me… if I get in an actual relationship, one that turns into a marriage and kids, it may suddenly be frowned upon if I want to come home, skip dinner, and binge watch tv. I value getting to do what I want, when I want, how I want more now in life than I ever have. Maybe this is a sign that I’m actually getting more selfish with age, but whatever. If you are gonna be worth me giving up my ME Time, you better be all that and a bag of chips… or even better, like a really high end bottle of champagne that you won’t get a hangover from drinking…

Cheap Pinot Nior – my partner in crime most Friday nights (besides my pup of course) is my bottle of wine. And let’s be real, I’m not dropping a ton of money on wine when I drink way too much of it per week. While I refuse to go under the $10 mark because I don’t think I have the mental capacity to be that much of a non-snob (shoutout to my cheap cousin, C.A.C…. talking to you girl…), I have found some good ones to chose from in the $12-$15 category at Publix. While I’m pretty sure the cashiers are judging the amount of wine I drink on a weekly basis, I’m not willing to give up my Friday Night Wine Night. I did have one cashier this week ask me why I wasn’t buying any wine. Was I offended? Nah. I’m actually hoping the fact that I wasn’t offended means I’m not a functioning alcoholic.

Paris – Yes. I’m thankful for a city. Why? Because its fucking glorious. And if you don’t agree, well suck it. Because I’m obsessed with the city. I want to be live there, drink wine all day, ride the train and walk places instead of driving, live in 100 year+ buildings that have so much charm, and sit in a café drinking expresso while writing novels. Sound strange? Whatever. It’s my dream, not yours. Not to mention… um Louis Vuitton is massively cheaper there than here in the US.

A Fast Metabolism – so the whole working out thing… wasn’t really my strong point the last year. I was too stressed, over worked, over CPA’ed for several months. Throw into the mix all the bottles of wine I consume, the bad food I eat… I should be the size of a house. The fact that I have only gained 5 lbs versus 20… small miracle indeed. Maybe I don’t really eat as bad as I think I do, I don’t know. All I know is I feel like I should be a little on the hefty side after this year. Am I toned anymore? FUCK no. Like all muscle and strength is gone with the wind. I am officially skinny fat. The jeans are a lot tighter than they were summer of last year. BUT it could be worse. A lot worse. Not really too concerned, I’m working out again, can see some small differences, so once the Holidays are over and the temptation of bad food is not in sight every where I turn, I’ll be fine. I think I may start doing Paleo… stay tuned for that adventure.

Family – this one may be a little #basic but it’s the truth. I am grateful for my family always. I really don’t know if I would’ve been able to get thru the last year and a half without them. They put up with my whining, brattiness, and understand that the world does revolve around me… or at least are willing to go along with letting me believe it does. Next year will be even more exciting as we welcome a new baby girl to our family with my little brother and his wife expecting their first child. My mom, grandma, cousin and I are all heading to Alaska for a cruise.  I’ll be heading back to Europe next fall/early winter. And a trip out west to New Mexico with my older brother and his family. And I’m sure my cousin and I will do some weekend trouble trips along the way… Harry Potter World again?!?! The fact that I actually LIKE traveling with my family shows how tight knit we are which seems to be rare.

So though it may not have been my best year yet, the year is leaving me in a good place and I’m super ready for 2017. Call me optimistic but I almost think

2017 is gonna be THE year. And if its not, as long as I end up with a new Louis Vuitton and a couple great vacations, I will be ok. #shallow

Until next time…

 

xoxo

The Penniless Princess

 

 

 

 

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